What Lights You Up?
- Lori Zukin
- Jul 7
- 4 min read
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
— Howard Thurman
In my last blog, I shared that many of my clients, colleagues, and friends are reflecting on what’s next for them, asking themselves whether they’re spending time on things that truly “light them up.”
Contemplating this question doesn’t have to be as intense or existential as asking, “How do I find happiness?” or “What is my life’s purpose?” It can be to simply notice what makes you smile.
My last blog suggested a simple four-step practice: noticing what lights you up, writing it down, looking for patterns, and making a shift—even a small one.
I’ve been practicing this, too. For example, the other day, I noticed two experiences that made me smile:
On a walk, I saw a three-year-old “driving” his one-year-old sister in a toy John Deere truck, with his mom guiding him. He looked so proud as he backed up so that he didn’t hit me, then moved a tad closer as I told him that he’s such a good driver.
On the Amtrak home from a meeting in NYC, I spoke to a man who woke himself up snoring. His apologetic opening to our conversation was “I hope I’m not bothering you.” He wasn’t at all. I ended up learning that he is the father of the founder of a successful company that I admire.
What was it about those interactions that made me smile? What was the pattern that emerged?
Connection.
Connection to a little kid who was so proud of himself, and to his mom I could relate to. I shared with her that my boys are 21 and 23, and that on Mother’s Day, the only gift I wanted was to be with them—and to watch videos of them when they were that age.
And connection to the man on the train—to hear the story of his life, including how he worked his way up in his career and how proud he is of his son who founded Ithaca Hummus (yum, I love the beet and lemon flavor!) and the rest of his family.
Connection to people and to their stories and seeing them smile, even for a moment. That’s what brings me joy.
A book I read recently gave me deeper insight into how connection plays into the work that I do. In Hour of the Heart, Irvin Yalom shares compelling stories that illustrate the power of the “here and now” in therapy—how being present and deeply attuned to clients, even in a single session, can create profound shifts in perspective and opportunities for healing.
Yalom is a distinguished psychiatrist and emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. He has plenty of expert knowledge and techniques at his disposal. However, it is his attunement in the moment—his ability to connect—that he believes matters most.
Reading this book reconnected me with the part of myself that knows this to be true. Yalom captured what I’ve been feeling for years and haven’t had the words to express. Like him, I draw on my years of education, training, and experience. I’m grateful for the expertise I can offer. But in the end, what matters most to me, and what I believe makes the greatest difference to my clients, is authentic connection.
Yalom observes that what brings people to therapy is not just their problems, but a craving for human connection—for intimacy, honesty, and meaning. I see this throughout the business world, and particularly in coaching. And that need seems to be increasing in society in general, as many existing connections (among family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and others) have been strained by political and ideological divisions.
One of the most rewarding experiences in my work is when attuned, connective coaching helps a client make the most fundamental of connections: connecting with themselves. It was a joy to see this happen with a recent client who worked with the four-step practice, noticing what lights him up and bringing more of it into his life.
During our last session, this client shared that he enjoys life more now because he's more in control of what he says yes and no to in his consulting work. He’s not “contorting himself” to fit his perception of what others need and want from him. He no longer needs a beer after work to turn off his brain (an intentional disconnection); instead, he’s walking regularly. As a leader who manages a number of portfolios, he sees his life as a portfolio—including health, work, family, and hobbies—and he wants to balance all of these effectively. He’s now consulting to several organizations and having impact on their innovation in the way that he wishes. He has found what makes him come alive, and he’s doing it.
Whatever it is that makes a coaching client come alive, it’s deeply fulfilling to me to support their process; in that shared experience of connection, we both find ourselves “lit up.”
Have you noticed a drive and craving for connection—in yourself or others in your life and work? How does it show up? Where might there be opportunities to allow deeper connection, whether with another person or with yourself?
What lights YOU up?
Lori
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