What does my dancing in a fountain have to do with leadership in the age of AI?
- Lori Zukin
- Sep 9
- 5 min read
I love to dance. There’s this energy inside me that gets revealed when I feel the right music, like allowing the bad news to take a break for a minute. It’s pure connection: to myself, to my energy, to others.
And—I sometimes hold back. Dancing calls attention to me. It raises a question I sometimes struggle to answer: Is it okay to call attention to myself?
Recently, in a group therapy meeting (yes, I do this; more on that in a moment), I shared how incredible it felt to dance freely at a party and even in a fountain, wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt, without feeling ashamed. Just celebrating being comfortable in my own body.
As I told the story, I caught something in one group member’s face. That look. The one that seemed to say I was showing off—being too much, too confident, too happy.
So, I stopped mid-sentence and asked her directly. She’s known in our group for brutal honesty, so I trusted she’d tell me the truth.
She paused.
Then she told me how much she admired me for working on myself.
I got teary.
She saw me—not for the “show off” I was afraid of being, but for the confident woman I’m becoming. In that moment, I realized I had projected my own fears onto her expression. The judgment I thought I saw lived in me, not in her.
This experience got me thinking about how often that happens, in both professional and personal life. Without realizing it, we treat our worries, insecurities, and other assumptions as if they’re true—reacting to them as if they’re facts about the world, rather than stories in our heads.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
As humans, we all build stories—sometimes very elaborate ones—about what others are thinking. As leaders navigating complex organizational relationships, we do it all the time. It’s only natural. The key is to become more aware of this so we can prevent our stories from unconsciously driving our actions and decisions, and instead deliberately choose how we relate to them.
One model I teach all the time to leaders and teams is the Ladder of Inference, developed by Chris Argyris. The Ladder of Inference shows us that when we observe something, we tend to quickly add our own interpretation based on our past experiences and beliefs and then act on those conclusions—which can lead us to react to situations based more on projection (what we assume) than on reality (what actually happened).
I share this framework not to shame people. Again, we’re all humans. We all do this.
The point is to stop “laddering up,” as one of my clients used to say—to slow the process, recognize our own assumptions, and increase our ability to respond strategically rather than reactively.
The Cost of Projection in Leadership – the AI Adoption Example
When we lead from assumptions instead of curiosity, we make decisions based on our projections rather than a grounded understanding of what the organization really needs. Awareness of this phenomenon is especially relevant for executives striving to accelerate AI adoption. Just as I misread my group member’s facial expression as judgment rather than admiration, leaders may perceive their employees’ hesitation around AI as stubborn resistance, when it’s actually something quite different—and potentially much more constructive.
A couple of years ago, the CEO of IgniteTech laid off nearly 80% of his staff when they “resisted” adopting AI. He framed the cuts as necessary because, in his view, most people “simply don’t like to learn.” Yet even he acknowledged later that this approach isn’t right for most companies. While the results may look successful, the story he told about employees—that they were unwilling to learn—risks creating a culture of fear rather than curiosity.
While the IgniteTech example was particularly dramatic, a similar dynamic plays out frequently in many organizations. Leaders often assume “resistance” when employees are actually raising important nuances. For example, a tech specialist might not oppose AI itself; they may be concerned about how it’s applied in a specific workflow, or whether it introduces risks the leader hasn’t considered.
Companies like Colgate-Palmolive have succeeded by setting up AI hubs where employees design their own personalized AI assistants, transforming skepticism into enthusiasm through involvement and co-creation.
In high-accountability cultures, the question isn’t “Who’s to blame?” It’s “What’s my role in this?” Shifting to a more curious inquiry can transform our approach to leadership challenges:
“They don’t like to learn” might become “I need to better align their goals with the company’s goals.”
“They were resistant” might become “I need to provide an inspiring vision worth embracing.”
“They sabotaged the rollout” might become “I need to create psychological safety where experimentation feels safe.”
A Few Tips for Leaders
Get curious about your assumptions. When someone’s face looks judgmental, ask. When team energy feels resistant, investigate. When excitement feels like “too much,” question whose voice is saying that.
Own your projections. The stories we create about other people often reveal more about our own inner landscape than about theirs. Ask yourself what fears you’re carrying that might be coloring how you interpret others’ responses.
Build trust through vulnerability. When I asked my group member what she was really thinking, it required trust—in her, in our relationship, and in the process. Leaders who model this kind of direct communication give others permission to be equally honest.
The Leadership Development that Matters
Yes, I’m in therapy. Not just for personal development, but also because leadership development is personal development. Strong leadership demands strong self-awareness. To be an effective coach and leader, I need to understand my own personal tendencies and assumptions, so I don’t unknowingly project them onto others.
Leaders who understand this distinction—who take accountability for their “stuff” rather than projecting it onto their teams—create environments where people can show up authentically and perform at their highest level.
They stop masking who they are. They stop making assumptions about who others are. They start building real connection and they have better outcomes.
Your Turn
Think of a time when you were seen for what you aspire to be—when someone saw past your projections to recognize who you were becoming. What was the impact on you? On your relationship with that person?
Now think of someone on your team that you find challenging to work with. What story are you telling yourself about their engagement, their personality, their perspective? What would happen if you got curious instead of certain? What would you discover if you asked directly rather than assumed? And, how might that positively impact your organization’s outcomes?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Lori
Unlock the Full Potential of Your Leadership Team
At Zukin Leadership, we help leaders and teams break through silos, align on critical decisions, and cultivate the strategic perspective needed to drive meaningful impact. Whether you’re looking to enhance executive team effectiveness, navigate complex organizational challenges, or build a more cohesive leadership culture, we provide tailored coaching, consulting, and immersive experiences designed to elevate your leadership and your business.
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